Closer To My Dreams

CLOSER (Goapele)

Closer to my dreams
Getting over, I’m gettin’ higher
Closer to my dreams
I’m getting higher and higher


Feel it in my sleep
Some times it feels like I’ll never go pass again
Some times it feels like I’m stuck forever and ever
When I’m going higher


Closer to my dreams
I’m goin’ higher and higher
I ain’t gonna sleep
Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them away so I can move on


Closer to my dreams
Feel it all over my being
Close your eyes and see what you believe
I’m happy as long as we’re apart
Then I’m moving on to my dreams
I’ll be moving higher (Moving higher)


Closer to my dreams
And higher and higher, higher
Feel it in my being (I can feel it flow around me)
I know that I could not go alone (No, no)


I’m moving higher (Higher), oh...
I’m going higher and higher and higher (Higher and higher)
Closer to my dreams (Higher and higher, oh...oh...)
I’m moving upward and onward and beyond all I can see
(Stretching out my arms so I can breathe)


Feels so close it’s like strange
I can feel my dreams (Closer to my dreams)
I’m moving closer to my dreams
I’m moving (Higher and higher) higher and higher
(Higher and higher)
Moving higher, ho...
Some times it feels like you never gon’ change (Never gon’ change)
But you never choose to walk away

"  The more you let go and surrender to your calling and know you are worth all the good stuff, the faster it shows up."(TheDailyLove via Twitter)

INTERESTING.....Hmmm....

"The world is meaningless, there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose. All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well. Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to \"find yourself\", you must make yourself. Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it. Do not let your life and your values and you actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, \"This is who I make myself\".
Do not give in to hope. Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which imbue it. Whatever you do, do it for its own sake. When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, \"Fuck You!\". Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own. Live deliberately. You are free." Existentialist on Jan 12, 2010 @ 00:45
Courtesy of  http://www.writesomething.net/post/1260672/

CHANGE!

"If we don't change, we don't grow"

CHANGE…
Well as most of us can relate to not liking change, we all go through it, good or bad. We all get comfortable in our lives where we like where we live, where we work, and are content and don’t like the carpet being pulled out from under us.
Some of us change because the change is happening and we just go with it, some of us choose to change whether it is to move, change jobs, cities, or change relationships or friendships, these are things we all do but do we make the right choices for ourselves?
Change is not something we always have control over, sometimes we have no control at all but we do have a chance to change it later. How do we overcome the fear of change?
Change is good, change means we’re growing as individuals, change means we don’t get stuck in those ruts we all hate. Change means we are always learning and creating new ideas. Sometimes change is exciting, sometimes it’s sad and sometimes it just makes us so angry but it’s in all what we do with it. How do we handle change?
When change is thrown at you, what do you do to make it a positive thing for you or how do you shape it into something that will make you happy if it’s not change that you agree with or don’t like or want ,or is it change made by you and you made the wrong choice.
Change is fear of the unknown and none of us like walking around in the dark not knowing where we are going or what is next or right in front of us, so what do we need to do?

Assess your change and ask yourself these questions:

1. Is your change necessary for you, do you need it to help you grow personally?
2. Will this change make you more money or change you financially?
3. Will this change get you away from what wasn’t making you happy in the first place or will it make you happier?
4. Is this change only temporary or is it permanent?
5. Is this change hurting you or bettering you or maybe helping someone else?
6. Is this change happening to fast or not fast enough?
7. Do you let change take you over or do you take over change?
8. Is the change happening?

I have personally asked myself all this as well as I myself have gone through alot of changes myself in just about every aspect we’ve talked about, some of it has been quite the ride let me tell you but when you’re caught up all in the middle of change especially when it seems to be everything all at once not one after the other like how all of us would like it to happen it does teach us alot about ourselves and definitely what finally does make us happy when it all finally starts to settle.  (Daya @ TheHappySelf.com  2/22/10)

www.thehappyself.com

"  Society can chain your hands and feet, but only you can chain and unchain your mind." 
(AffirmationSpot@Twitter)

Can I do this?

I started this blog in 2007 and here it is 2010 and I am just adding posts. It was my plan to use this as an avenue for sharing with other people and to maybe find some understanding and direction in my own life by creatively expressing and ranting about my twisted journey. At this point, I am overrun with fear and doubt (as with everything) but, I can't stop the urge of wanting to post. I don't know what the end result will be or even what I WANT it to be.

Can I tell my story though? I guess a better question would be, can I handle the judgment that comes with it? Am I a coward? I don't know if I have the courage to stand up to the humiliation of being completely open and honest. Will this help me move forward out of this rut? I am wondering if this is yet another avenue of seeking validation in my life.....??

I have an overwhelming creative need to get these monkeys off my back. I think about stories I can write every minute of the day. I have been keeping journals since I was a child and maybe it's time to bring to light some of that heaviness....that isn't already showing on my round body. I just can't think through this mess anymore without the expressive release therapy, but....how heavy are the repercussions that are sure to come? Why should I even give a fuck really? After all, who among us is without flaws, right? I read a quote once that said something to the effect of "People who aren't strong enough to live out their own dreams will always find a way to kill yours".....I guess on that note, I will proceed. Are you ready for it? Am I? Will you still love me when its done? Will I?

"I struggle, but I grow. I fall, but I get up. Even amid adversity, I succeed and I prosper."

Needy Little Baby.....

ANGEL (Chaka Khan)

Troubled little angel
Inconsistent...flying blind most of the time
Drama queen

Preening and untanglin'
Feathers in her wings
Captured by her dreams
Desperately she sings

Needy little baby
Open up your heart
Don't you be afraid to feel
Needy little baby
Hidin' deep inside
Don't you know your love can heal

Troubled little angel
Inconsistent
Flying blind most of the time
Don't know who to be [yeah]
Always rearranging the wreckage of her life
Ever holding tight to the hope that she'll be free

Needy little baby
Open up your eyes
Don't you be afraid to feel
Needy little baby
Hidin' deep inside
Don't you know your love can heal

I'm talking to you angel
Angel
Deep inside of me
I'm talking to you angel
Angel
One day you'll be free

Angel [Angel]
Angel [Angel]
Deep inside of me [inside...inside]
Talking to you angel [Angel]
Angle [Angel]
You'll be free.....

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

Have you seen her? She just turned 36 years old today. She is a funny, bright and loving girl that has gotten lost in life. She took off on a survival mission of independence without any tools, little useful guidance and no sense of self worth. Not knowing where she was headed, she took far too many left turns seeking validation, love and success. She has been missing for nearly 30 years now. I've been looking for her all this time. I miss her SO MUCH!!

I hoping that this blog will help her to find her way back to me. I can feel her looking for me too. The obstacles between us are great, however I have faith now that we can knock them down one at a time.

The great thing about today's technology is that in my search to find my long lost love, I can share all my experiences (the good, the bad, the awesome and the devastating)with all the girls in my life who will seek answers or guidance in their journey. I hope that they can take these words with them through life, know that they are never alone and maybe avoid some of the stupid mistakes and shameful regrets that I've had to experience and continue to carry.

This is guaranteed to be an RATED R experience for any reader. As much as I would like for my life to be G-Rated, it just hasn't been that easy...to say the least!! So, let's get started.....I've got to find her!!