Can I do this?

I started this blog in 2007 and here it is 2010 and I am just adding posts. It was my plan to use this as an avenue for sharing with other people and to maybe find some understanding and direction in my own life by creatively expressing and ranting about my twisted journey. At this point, I am overrun with fear and doubt (as with everything) but, I can't stop the urge of wanting to post. I don't know what the end result will be or even what I WANT it to be.

Can I tell my story though? I guess a better question would be, can I handle the judgment that comes with it? Am I a coward? I don't know if I have the courage to stand up to the humiliation of being completely open and honest. Will this help me move forward out of this rut? I am wondering if this is yet another avenue of seeking validation in my life.....??

I have an overwhelming creative need to get these monkeys off my back. I think about stories I can write every minute of the day. I have been keeping journals since I was a child and maybe it's time to bring to light some of that heaviness....that isn't already showing on my round body. I just can't think through this mess anymore without the expressive release therapy, but....how heavy are the repercussions that are sure to come? Why should I even give a fuck really? After all, who among us is without flaws, right? I read a quote once that said something to the effect of "People who aren't strong enough to live out their own dreams will always find a way to kill yours".....I guess on that note, I will proceed. Are you ready for it? Am I? Will you still love me when its done? Will I?